insomnia

I'm too tired to fight. I give up. Not "surrender," notice, but I give up. I realize that I'm always in a defensive mode, I am always prepared for a fight, I frame what's happening in my life as a "me versus just-about-anyone" scenario. And today, just feeling sooooooo tired, and walking two happy girls down the street before I hit the gym, I decided to give up. "Made a decision." I thought about it and went, OK, I'm making the decision. I'm tired of fighting. I'll believe all this shit instead of rummaging around in my box of problems and challenges.

So here it is: I can tick off the "Uh-hunh" box for Powerless over alcohol. Life unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than me, which includes the TTC, pickle jars, wind, and my cat, could restore me to sanity. (I will note here that the power i'm holding out hope for is a practising and practical faith in buddhism, which has no deity, yo). AND made a decision, to turn my will and life over to... Hey Siddharta, you there? Didn't think so. But that still works.